Remember when you were a child and fifteen minutes seemed like a lifetime? It was as if you could pack the span of a day into those nine hundred seconds.

So I smiled, flipped my hair, and took a picture. So when I'm lost in the forest of motherhood, hidden under the laundry, the dishes, and the everyday routine, I can look at this picture and remember...I'm still me, the same crazy girl taking a selfie in the mirror.

"If a Mother's success is to be measured by whether she teaches her child that he or she can do whatever they put their minds to, she is a triumphant Mother." My Mother

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We went to the grand opening of a local women's health/birthing center to support my husband over the weekend. Of course I wanted Elly to look her best, but donkey rides, sidewalk chalk, fried pickles, bounce houses, and sticky treats had other ideas. The desire to pick her up and dust her off every five seconds was very real...but watching her enjoy life to the fullest, running around with other children, wrapped in laughter made me take pause. What is childhood without green knees from freshly cut grass, or sticky remnants of bright red Popsicles stuck to their cheeks? They don't care about their new shoes, or keeping up appearances. Life is there simply to be LIVED! So I said yes to the mess, yes to making her childhood everything it should be, yes to living, I mean really living. Because you only get one childhood and she deserves nothing less.

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...In a moment, the tears, the sleepless nights, the doubt, the "am I a good mother?", the tantrums, all my frustrations, the "hard" part of motherhood, is washed away. All that's left is the beauty, the enchanting, spellbinding beauty of this moment.

{To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you. ~Lewis B. Smedes}

Forgiveness is not only something we should show others, we must also learn how to forgive ourselves. Just as He has forgiven us, time and time again. Motherhood, parenthood for that matter, with all it's blessings will test the very fibers of your being. It can unravel you like thread on a spool, and bring you to your breaking point.

We all have moments where we fail, or rather flail at parenting, moments where we'd like to lock ourselves in a closet and just cry by ourselves for a moment. Some days I lay in bed thinking, "man, I rocked this parenting thing today!" While others I lay defeated, desperately attempting to get a rambunctious toddler to sleep, watching as the minutes and hours tic away, dreading the rising sun.

Dawn, it brings with it new beginnings, a fresh start, a new day, a chance to rock the heck out of this parenting gig. Forgive yourself for yesterday, because well, today is a blessing, it's brand new day

Remembering the gentle newness of a newborn, the way their toes curl wildly, the way they tuck their legs so closely to themselves, the way they smell of sweet sweet milk, and the delicious tiny sounds they make. Was it so long ago that I first held my daughter in my arms? Reveling in all that was her, all that was me, and all that was my husband. Was it so long ago that I was afraid to change her clothes for fear of making her the slightest bit uncomfortable? Was it so long ago that I held the world, and thought that it couldn't get any better than this? Fond memories surrounding me like mist, preparing me once again for new life.

Life, flying past me at a blistering pace, hardly giving me a moments pause to daydream of what's to come, or to prepare fully for life again with a newborn. This is not my first, there is no massive buying spree, no classes to take, no furniture to paint, only the unwrapping of bassinets, and baby swings. So when these precious little things arrived today and that same giddy, nervous, excited feeling came flooding back I took pause. With them came thoughts of who this little person growing inside me will be, thoughts of love and labor, tears and joy. Images of placing these tiny booties on even tinier feet for the first time, caused my heart to swell and my eyes to fill with tears. Just for a moment, in the craziness of life while raising a toddler I had my moment, the one that ties you ever so closely to the one you've yet to meet.

The Love that we show others, is just as important as the love we show ourselves. If we are not gentle, kind, understanding, and patient with ourselves, eventually we will crumble under the weight of it all. In order to love fully and wholeheartedly, in order to be the light in someones darker days, you must first show love toward yourself.   It comes and goes in waves, the seasons of life, leaving memories in it’s wake, beautiful moments, and occasionally...some we’d rather not recall.   There was a time in my life where I was lost, buried beneath the earth, trudged deep in the forest of life. A time where I gave all my love away, hoping that one day maybe, just maybe, I would get a little back. I lost myself, I lost the vigor that I had for life, I had forgotten what love truly was. I gave myself, my time, my everything until I had nothing left. I’m a giver by nature, and it took me a very long time to realize that some peoples nature, is to take. I was left broken, without an ounce of love to show for my giving, I had failed myself. In those two short years I had forgotten what it was to truly live, you see without love you can’t feel the breeze, or the warmth of the sun on your skin, there is only pain.   With heavy feet and an even heavier heart, I began the slow walk towards the light, towards love. So it began, a building of myself, I had to learn how to be gentle with myself, to show myself grace, and patience. To forgive myself for the mistakes I’d made. I had to re-learn to love the skin I was in, the quirks of my personality, to trust myself, to trust my instincts, to trust in God, and to love myself just as I was. It was only then the cracks began to fade. Years went by, and the same love I showed myself, I once again was able to share with others, I had the strength to light my own path, and to be a healthy light for those that needed me.   In learning to love again, to truly love, to have respect for myself as well as others, I found it. That all consuming, down to the bone, every fiber of your being, love. That love that comes every blue moon, kissing your imperfections and taking you to a place you had only dreamed real. My heart had found it’s home in a man I had called my friend for eleven years of my short life. I stood in loves path whole, and the love we now share has changed my life forever.   True love travels full circle and back again, it fills you, heals you, changes you in the best ways possible. Through it, we created her, our daughter, love incarnate. My wish, my hope in life, is to teach my children what love truly is. I want them to feel it, for themselves, for their faith, for the earth, and for others. I want them to know that they are truly loved.  

|This post was written for The Love More Shop series on loving more, do yourself a favor and check out what this amazing brand is doing to bring more love into this world HERE|

{In giving birth to our babies, we may find that we give birth to new possibilities within ourselves. ~Myla and Jon Kabat-Zinn} I used to be shy, though if you ask other people they would probably say different. Mine was an inner shyness, there were things I wanted to do, spontaneous things, little things, but I would get in the way of my self. I'd end up harboring that feeling of disappointment, it would eat away at me like a nagging mosquito, why didn't I do "it," what was stopping me?

I believe giving birth gives you a second chance to do those things you've always wanted to do, no matter how small. The "what if's" in your life can be erased. How can I tell my children to soar, to run full out towards their dreams and ambitions if I can't even reach for the small things.

How can I teach my children that it's ok to be silly, and wildly spontaneous at times, if I don't first show them that it's ok? Like most people I avoid embarrassment at all costs. So today, while driving down a sleepy road with my family, staring at the golden light dancing across a field wishing I could run through it, if only for a moment. Just so I could feel the earth under my feet and soak up the last warmth of the setting sun. Hot with embarrassment, too nervous to ask my mom to pull over, I did.

Life is not a movie, perfectly scripted, decorated, and manicured to perfection...but life is also not a dress rehearsal. So seize the day and run through your field, wherever that may be.

{It's not only children who grow. Parents do too. As much as we watch to see what our children do with their lives, they are watching us to see what we do with ours. I can't tell my children to reach for the sun. All I can do is reach for it, myself. ~Joyce Maynard}

Oh the places you'll go, the people you'll meet, the adventures you'll take, the love you'll share, the lives you'll touch. Your future, poised at your finger tips, brimming with possibilities.

Know this, from the moment I met you, so quiet and lovely, I knew I had gleamed a bit of heaven, that my life would forever truly be full. You are the adventure I didn't know existed, the trip of a lifetime, an experience like no other. You are the product of young love that traveled for eleven years in order to make it back to each other. My whole world, our love, wrapped up in the creases of your hands, in the dimple on your cheek, and in sparkles in your eyes. You have touched my life like only a child could, innocent and pure, you breathed life into these once stale lungs.

This is why, my dear, mothers stare at their children, this is why when you sleep, I sometimes can't bear to let you go.

{A sister is a gift to the heart, a friend to the spirit, a golden thread to the meaning of life. ~Isadora James} These last few days have been hard. I'm not the one to slow down, but oh how pregnancy reminded me that sometimes in order to grow this new baby, I need to sit my busy self down. So here I sit, with a cold that won't quit, my hairs a mess, my clothes...we won't go there, with a list of a million things I need to do before this bundle arrives swimming through my head. I've done nothing to prepare, by this time last pregnancy I had painted furniture, moved, put an entire nursery together, I probably had my hospital bag packed like a crazy lady, but then again that's how most first pregnancies go. Second pregnancies...not so much, can I get an extra month please?

As I sat, deep in my self loathing and feeling pretty sorry for myself, wondering how I'm going to do it all. This child, this wonderful little child of mine comes over, lifts up my shirt and exclaimed "Da Beeebee, muuh bebe!" In between rapid fire kisses (hence her blurry face). Reminding me yet again (because I apparently didn't remember the first time) that everything will fall into place, that everyone's fed and happy and right now that is enough.

{Why choose love? Why choose patience? Why choose compassion? When life throws you so many opportunities to choose hate, anger, and jealousy.}

Today choose compassion, because even though someone may not show it to you, you just might be the compassionate light that someone desperately needed that day. The reminder that we are all in this together. That it's ok, that every day is not perfect. Who's to say you can't make the best out of the hand thats been dealt. Choose compassion because it's contagious, like laughter.

Today choose patience, not because it's easy, but because there are two little pairs of eyes looking up at you, searching for guidance.

Today choose love, because love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, rude or self seeking, it is not easily angered, and keeps no records of wrongs. Love never fails! It reminds each and every one of us that we are precious, it's like magic, it reaches into your soul and changes you in the most profound ways.

I just can't get enough kisses from this sweet girl! When she was smaller we would try to give her a kiss and she would turn and laugh (broke my little mama heart). Lately at night, right before she falls asleep E has started to give me tons and tons of kisses, some with her eyes half closed, it's one of my favorite moments of the day.

"Put your ear down close to your soul and listen hard." ~Anne Sexton

The quiet love between you and I, what a feeling, to carry two hearts inside of you. No one knows you like I do, they don't hear the soft exchange of our beating hearts. Or feel the soft kicks and turns you make when I sing aloud, or when your Papa whispers to you. I never feel as connected to myself, to life, as when I'm carrying it. Carrying you makes my soul complete, it sings, illuminated, full of your spirit. I've never loved you more than I do now, until the moment your skin touches mine, bare on my chest, until then...

Love, Mama

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xo,

Krystal

{~20 Weeks~ Words that are hard to find. The let down of raw emotion and fear making it's exit takes it's toll. I wasn't going to write this, I was going to let this fade away into memories unknown, because that's easier...but I won't, because someone might need these words.}

This week was one of the hardest tests of faith I've ever had. While staring at the babies heart for what seemed an unusual amount of time, my own heart sank, and fear crept in. When you imagine your child coming into this world it's always perfect, all you wish for is a healthy baby, but there it was, right in front of me, on a screen in plain black and white. I wanted to run, but I stayed steady, I wanted to cry, but I refused, I wanted to yell and ask why, but I just smiled at the sweet ultrasound tech as she left to grab the doctor. God doesn't give you more than you can handle...he doesn't right? I asked myself sitting there, just my sweet baby and I.

She returned with the doctor, my mother and my daughter in tow. If you know me, when faced with hardship I smile, while silently building a wall, not to close myself off, but to hold myself up, you see I'm too afraid to reach for outspread arms for fear of breaking down. Talk of Down's syndrome and heart problems, swirled the room, backgrounds and too much blood were taken. In silence, fear crept in, not for me, but for my child, because people can be cruel when they don't understand you. How would I do this? Where would the strength come from? How will I tell my husband who has already watched his own sister pass away from a neurological disorder.

I scoured the internet in secret, reading story after story of negative and positive outcomes, finding comfort in their words. Days passed, we filled them with joy and life carried on, as silent prayers were made, all while waiting for a phone call that finally came. I almost didn't hear her when she said that all the results came back negative, I had already settled in my mind that I would do whatever was needed in order to provide this child with the happiest life possible, no matter the result. I knew this child would be perfect, that I would learn from he or she, that I would be the best mother I could possibly be to both my children because that's what they need. Tears flowed and fear exited, and just like that everything was back to the way that it was.

Her Mother.

That's who I am. She's the one who I have the privilege to mother, and to love for a lifetime.

My first born child, the one who made me a Mother, the one who opened my world and let the sunshine in.

A daughter.

That's who she is. A spunky little child after my own heart.

Someday when she too becomes a Mother, she'll know.

She'll the know the impossible love I have for her.

Love.

The love between lovers, best friends, your other half, creates such wonderful little beings.

Love incarnate.

~

My first Mothers Day, what a day, filled to the brim with everything I thought it would be. Besides the food poisoning , that I did not expect, but that life right? I'll take it, the good the bad and everything in between.

~

Peace & Love,

Krystal

Motherhood. The most amazing job that's literally 24'hrs a day, all day everyday. Sometimes I feel as if time is spent before it's even arrived. Between projects, work, and mommying, time is indeed already spent. Nap time quickly became the only time where I  have a moment just to sit down and breath. Because let's face it, there's a 50/50 chance that I won't get more than 45 minutes of consecutive sleep any given night, thanks teeth...thanks.

I was living for nap time, and it was always over all too soon. So yesterday, I took a break. For my family, for myself, for my sanity. All it took was a short walk to the park, snacks, and a good read. Elly was happy to get out, it was time to take back all this time spent, cooking, cleaning, and being well busy, it was time to stop and smell the roses.

It was a cold rainy day here in sunny California, so we spent most of the day eating too many sweets and watching the rain come down. As I sat on the floor watching Elly play with her favorite stuffed friend, the sweetest moment took place. Elly accidentally knocked him over, she immediately peered over at him, checking to see if her furry friend was ok. Then she picked him up, squeezed him tight and gave him a kiss. I could have melted into the floor right then and there. Since Elly has been crawling these last few weeks and pulling herself up on just about anything she can, she has had her  share off woopsies. Of course I immediately pick her up, squeeze her tight and give her a kiss to make it all better.

To witness such kindness from my baby, my not so little baby, humbled me.

If only we all treated each other with such care and love.

My sweet sweet Elly, may you always show such love and kindness to others.

I'm not much of a cryer, but I cried today. Twice actually, the second as I write this.

I remember in the beginning I wished for the infant stage to be over with. Colic ran my life, and sleep depravation consumed me. I couldn't wait until solids, crawling and a little independence. This little meatball was testing every fiber of my being, I was ready for the next stage. Well here we are...

This weekend was a weekend of firsts.

She's crawling now, I mean really crawling. Her world has grown, and she's into everything. 

 She cut her first tooth, not good news for my boobs, though I wouldn't have it any other way.

 She pulled herself up in her crib, so my husband lowered the crib.

 ~

We went to the park to enjoy what was left of our weekend. I watched as she crawled/scooted around, picking up this leaf and that. Carefully studying the little treasures she'd find. Everything was new, everything was magic. On our way home she quietly fell asleep, heavy against my chest, snug in her sling. I laid her down in her crib, her crib that once held her tiny swaddled self, the crib I slept in as a child. As the last of the sunlight crept behind the hills, I looked down at the not so tiny creature I created, and cried.

I cried because I realized this was it. This is the feeling... this is why mothers have tears in their eyes as their once babies walk, run, drive, graduate, marry, and have babies of their own. 

 Make that 3 times I've cried today. 

~K

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I always imagined my life as a single, a lone, wandering, picture taking, jetsetter. Following along where my heart and camera led me, belonging to no one but myself and God. I thought that was the life, the perfect life, only because I couldn't fathom how amazing life could be with a husband by my side and a baby on my back. If only I knew then what I know now. I'm still jet setting, wandering and picture taking, only with an amazing little family in tow. They say don't look at life through rose colored glasses...they must not have had kids.

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She takes the cake. Both of my Grandmothers died in childbirth. So for me, bearing children was a terrifying thing, something I honestly didn't think I would ever do. Now here I am on the other side, healthy and whole. I moved fear aside and made room for her. She is my world, my light, my little love, the best parts of her father and I.

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Sadly I never knew my Grandparents, let alone Great Grandparents. Watching our parents light up when they are with our little Elly makes my heart flutter. The relationship she has with each one of them is so unique and priceless. To be able to watch the family that you created grow into this beautiful thing called family, is worth it's weight in gold. I can only imagine how it feels to look over your life and see all the children you've made, with their children, and their children's children. I hope one day Elly realizes how lucky she is to have all of her Grandparents, along with one extraordinary Great Grandmother.

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This man. This crazy crazy man I get to call husband, I'm so happy our hearts belong to each other. There is no one on this planet I'd rather circle the sun with.

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 The ability to create life is still beyond my comprehension, I did it, I know I did, I have an amazing little girl to prove it. The fact that I've been her sole source of nutrition for the past 7 months just boggles my mind. I never thought I would make it here, those first couple months were killer, KILLER! I'm so happy we stuck with it, theres nothing sweeter than looking down at her smiling face while she nurses, by far my most favorite thing.

Top 10 Blessings of 2013 from Krystal Donovan Photography on Vimeo.

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This year has been filled with new friends and old friends, all dear & close to my heart. They've watched as my family grew, supported me, loved me, laughed with me, and cried with me. I will be forever grateful for the people who have entered my life this year, and for those who never left, they've changed me for the better.

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The only thing better than becoming a mother myself, was watching my husband, my best friend, my partner in crime, the love of my life, become a father. Watching their relationship grow just melts my heart. The love they share is amazing, and I can't wait to watch them to become best friends.

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 Becoming a mother this year was by far the most profound moment of my life. I will forever be connected to this little soul. Forever a mother, a best friend, a boo boo kisser, an open ear, an advice giver, and unconditional love giver. I'm so thankful for this little lady, she has taught me how to live and love like never before. Thank you for choosing me, thank you for being MY daughter.

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It's no secret, I LOVE the holidays. Just love them. I love all the people, the rushing, the food, the smells, it's a magical time of year, even the earth gets dressed in it's best.  

Anyways, I had a point... hmmm, oh yeah! Traditions. Growing up, my mother made sure that the holidays were extra special. I can still remember bundling up in coats and pj's, piling in the car and driving around, gazing at the beautiful christmas lights. Eating gingerbread and candy canes until my heart was content, while singing christmas carols at the top of my lungs.

Since it's our fist Christmas as a family of three, I want to make it full of magic and fond memories. Even though our little one's only six months old, I want this year to be marked with new & old traditions. Christmas lights, caroling, hot chocolate,  handmade gifts, santa, gingerbread houses, candy canes, stockings, mistletoe, christmas trees, the whole shebang. Speaking of Christmas trees! We went and chopped down our own tree over the weekend, well the hubby chopped it down. I pointed and warned him not to chop his fingers off. It's something I've always wanted to do, and it was everything I thought it would be. The best surprise of all was that the farm was owned by a lovely Italian family, who ran a vineyard on the Estate. I'm talking handcrafted, 4,000 year old vine, silver medal, delicious, unaltered (no chemicals),  amazing WINE. We got the whole tour, we even had a chance to taste wines still in the making straight from the barrels. Elly thoroughly enjoyed every bit from the comfort of her sling, they even gave her grape juice at the tasting, fresh grape juice!

Christmas trees and cases of exceptional wine, I'm thinking we have a new tradition to add to the list.

I hope you all are having a wonderful Holiday, and I'd love to hear what traditions you have!

Peace & Love,

Krystal

Lately I've forgotten to stop and smell the roses. Life has become so busy, filled with this thing and that, project after project.

Now that the foods been devoured, naps have been taken, family has been visited, and Thanksgiving is over. It's now, in this quiet moment, when the baby and husband are asleep, that I have a chance to look around at this amazing life I've been blessed with and truly give thanks.

I have the most amazing husband, slash best friend, who's an incredible father to our daughter.

A mother, who moved down here just to help me become the best mother I could possibly be, and who already is the the most incredible Yaya(Grandmother) ever!

A family who's there through thick and thin.

A lovely roof over my head, that's right next to my most favorite place to be, the ocean.

Friends who I cherish and love beyond words.

For all these things and the things I've forgotten, I am thankful.

Life's not all roses and Unicorn farts let me tell you... But looking over at this little family I've got snoring next to me, yup, life's good.

Peace & Love,
Krystal

Bright yellow leaves & bright yellow slings.

Rad views.

Vines on walls. Babes in hats.

Tilt A Whirls.

Little hands reaching. My breath taken away.

Sunsets.

This weekend was one of those, go with the flow, we have no plans kinda weekend.  We got to spend time with mostly all of our family at one time or another. Had the yummiest food, drank the sparkliest of wines, hiked in the forest, drove until we were on empty, walked around a fair until our bellies were full and our feet were sore, and kissed like we were teenagers.

I hope you all spent your weeks end with the ones you love.

Peace & Love,

Krystal

Watching my daughters face light up, at practically everything she saw that day, was so thrilling, and heartbreaking at the same time.  Watching as she stepped boldly into the world that day, made me realize that the time we have with our little ones is fleeting, and oh so precious. She usually stays tucked away in her sling, silently watching as the world passes her by, not that day however. 

As we walked through the stillness of the Meditation Gardens, carful not to disturb guests who where quietly reading or meditating, my thoughts wandered to how incredibly blessed I am to have such a magical place just down the street from our house. Then suddenly, to my surprise, the quietness was soon broken by tiny squeals of joy. She laughed at absolutely every plant, bush, flower, and tree that she saw. Reaching her chubby hand out to grab anything and everything she could get her fingers around. I was so terrified that the other guest would find offense to this amazing act of joy pouring from my child. It was such a lovely surprise when person after person would came over to comment not on the noise, but on how lovely it was so witness such pure happiness come from such a little person. Even the security guard, which I admit had shushed me once or twice before whilst visiting the gardens sans the little one, came over and greeted her. He even took pictures for us, and gave the loveliest advice on love, marriage, and parenting. Most, which stemmed around keeping God in the center of our marriage, something we strive to do everyday. 

I came to the gardens that day, already buzzing with excitement and anticipation for this season of life. Filled with a sense of thankfulness, for the opportunities that have come our way this year. I left the gardens with a humbleness I never knew possible. In awe of the little person slung tightly to me, who touched so many people that day with her joy for life. 

Peace & Love,

Krystal