{For my last sling diary post, we took a little family road trip to Idyllwild CA, and stayed in the sweetest little cabin, an Adventure to say the least.}

Born an adventurist, wild and free, as my mother would say. There was a time where running was my only speed, I guess you can say that never really changed.

Life, to me has always been an adventure. I was always searching for it, I lived for the thrill, for the moments that passed by so fast you wonder if you were even there. How could life not be an adventure? We wake up everyday, and no matter what plans we've made, what tasks we have to accomplish, we don't know what each sunrise and sunset will bring. What stories will be told from that day that you thought would be just, another day.

Memories upon memories I've collected like stones, and hidden them away in my memory to be enjoyed for a lifetime.

My biggest worry was, am I living my life to the fullest? Have I done enough "things," have I been enough places, have I accomplished enough goals?  That is until you.

You, are the adventure I never saw coming, you are the tale that I will tell for a lifetime, you are the thrill I thirst for daily. You've woven the most beautiful light into my life and made it whole. 

With every turn of the earth comes a new day, a new dawn, a new adventure to be had. You've taught me that life, even its simple parts, even its quiet parts, are an adventure within itself, and quite possibly the most important. It's as if time itself slowed down, just so you could watch it with wondrous eyes. I'm blessed as a mother to stand along side you and marvel at the sight.

If there is one lesson I've learned, one piece of wisdom I could give to you, it would be this. Creating life, having children, is the most miraculous thing two people can ever do. To willingly place your whole heart into tiny shadows of yourself, and watch them flourish, is the most precious gift. No matter how hard you wish to freeze each and every delectable moment they bless you with, you wouldn't change it for the world, because to witness such a thing is the sweetest heartache you'll ever know. That, my love, this! This is living, this is an adventure filled life.

Everything I've ever done, every mountain I've climbed, every wild horse I've tamed, every sheet of music I've mastered, every degree I have, every bold move I've made, though proud of them I am, pails in comparison to you my love.

The adventure does not end with the birth of your own, it begins. With an explosion of love and a fire that you never knew existed, it begins.

I want your life to be full, not of things, not of money, but of meaning, of life, real life. I want you to look back upon your existence and say with a certainty that you lived, I mean really lived.

Because from the moment you stepped into mine, the real adventure began.

http://vimeo.com/92585573

Love Always & Forever,

Mama

 

A big thank you to my readers for following along, and for all of your kind words along the way. I will be posting about this amazing experience in the weeks to come.

I also want to say a special Thank You to Sakura Bloom for allowing me to participate in such a wonderful experience. These past six months were not only my first as a mother, being a part of The Sling Diaries helped shape the kind of mother I am today, and will be in the future. Your product not only brings together parent and child, but a community of amazing baby wearing people that I would have never come into contact with if it wasn't for you. The support and love this community that you've help shape is a glorious one, and one I will take with me through this wonderful journey of motherhood.

From the bottom of my heart, and the depths of my soul, Thank You...Thank  You.

When we were new, fresh to this earth, all we could do was listen, soak in every nuance, and every word uttered in our presence. We listened, and it was enough.

If only we held onto that, if only we remembered to listen before we spoke, before we poured judgment and snide onto others. If only we remembered to listen to their plights before burdening them with our own, to hear when someones soul calls out to ours for strength.

Motherhood, as well as parenthood, is a journey, not meant to be traveled alone. It takes a village, a wisdom from generations passed to navigate the seasons that new life brings. It takes support from Mothers Fathers, sisters, brothers, friends. It takes the love of the collective for families to grow.

We've forgotten, and now some of us journey alone. Saddened by the lack of understanding shown, when understanding should inherently be the first thing we as parents feel towards one other, not harsh words and deaf ears.

We've forgotten.

I've always been eager to listen, hungry for spoken words. Constantly in search for reassurance in others. Finding a comfort in them that I could not seem to find in myself, no matter how desperately I searched.

Carrying life has a quieting way about it, a softening of the world around you, it swaddles you in warmth that can only radiate from within.

With you, my sweet, I looked inward, for the first time in my life I stopped and listened, I mean really listened. To myself, to my body, to my soul, I listened and found comfort in it. My fears were very real, but it was you, your steady heartbeat, your every movement, your very wave of existence that soothed my mind, and opened my heart to a love that at the time, was only a whisper.

When you came into this world, you came silently, searching for a breath that slowly found you, and took mine away. With your voice came a love overflowing with a peace so tangible everyone in the room cried.

With only the steady flow of our breath to comfort us, the silence that surrounded us in your first hours of life, was pure magic. It was in that moment I knew that the strength to listen to my instincts, to my gut, to that voice that told me everything would and will be ok, would forever be with me. A precious gift given to me by my first born, the one who so graciously made me a Mother.

Oh but life is hard sometimes, with it comes many voices, most not our own, and if you let them, they will try to and fill your head with doubt and with fear, robbing the very voice that resides within you.

Never let others be your sole  guide, don't let what someone says take dominion over your thoughts.

Listen.

Listen to your heart, to you gut, to your soul, to that inner voice that guides you, it will never fail you. Just as I will try, with all my might, with all my strength, and with all my soul, to never, ever, fail you.

To you, I will always listen.

 

Love,

Mama

 

 

 

 

 

I’m wearing Elly in the simple linen in plum. Follow along with the sling diaries here.

With nothing but the sound of my voice and the beat of my heart, you gracefully entered this world, silently, a blank canvas, soaking in every color that danced upon your new skin. Wide eyed and curious, you took me in, you studied the curves of my face. They say babies can’t see when they are born, but you saw me, just as I saw you, and so it began, a journey that has taken my heart and soul to places I had only dreamed real.

You watched from the safety of my arms and the sling as the world swirled by, kissing your cheeks, coaxing you to soar amongst the clouds.

 

 

I remember waiting for you to roll over, to crawl, to pull yourself up, to stand freely,  to walk bravely into this world. I remember eagerly awaiting to hear your voice, excited to hear the words you would whisper in my ear. In those moments I cried tears of pure joy. I cried when you spoke my name for the first time, my ears, never had they heard such  sweet and magical sounds.

 

Before my eyes, you grew, disguised by time and fleeting moments. You erupted like a volcano, steadily flowing, plucking bits of knowledge from life along the way. I watched as your hungry eyes took it all in, desperate to learn, anxious to grow.

 

Your eyes sparkle, and your toes curl as the world goes on and flutters by, your small hands grasping anything within your reach. Creating the most glorious music with whatever you can muster, smiling from ear to ear as you discover new things.

 

 

You grew tall, the length of you stretched over my lap, a tapestry of moments and milestones laid before me like a map.

 

 

I am your first teacher, the constant, the lesson giver. I want to teach you everything I can about this world, beyond what you will learn from the endless books that you will read.

 

 

 

I want to teach you to be bold and confident in your abilities to learn from any given situation. To learn from people who you think you can learn nothing from. I want you to know that you can go as far as the edge, and beyond that, you can fill your soul with as much knowledge as you can dream, it’s there at your fingertips, waiting for you.

 

There is no wall you can’t crumble, so break through them all. There will never be a short supply of people who will tell you, that you can’t, but remember I’ve seen you crawl and now you stand tall. You can do what ever your heart desires, you can be  anything you want. Never lose that sense of wanting, that joyful quest for learning.

 

Remember that an Education is not only what you learn within four walls. It’s everything around you, from the sea to the mountains, from the elderly, to the new born. It’s the ability to let every lesson sink into you, like your feet in the sand as the ocean pulls with each crashing wave.

 

You’ve taught me more lessons than I can count in your short time on this earth. You’ve taught me things about myself that I didn’t think possible. You’ve grown me into a mother, shown me that my body can go far beyond what I thought it could. You’ve taught me that love runs deeper than any ocean, that patience is a practice, to laugh when you want to cry, to live life each day with a vigor, and that I too, have so much yet to learn.

 

I strive to let you learn, to push the boundaries, to look/crawl/walk towards the edge, it’s ok to go, it’s ok to roar, it’s ok to color outside of the lines, it’s ok to paint the sky red!

Because it is, at it’s fiery set the sky takes on endless colors.

No one loves you like I do, we shared one body, and now a piece of me will forever be in you.

 

Love Always & Forever,

Mama

 

 

 

 

 

I’m wearing Elly in the simple linen in wheat. Follow along with the sling diaries here.

Confidence is something that grew as I aged. It wound itself from inside to the surface and back in again, layer upon layer, leaving traces of itself in new found strengths. Time taught me that what I think of myself, is far more important than what other people think of me.

I think as women confidence grows, with every birthday, every scar, every leap of faith, every kind word spoken to us, and most greatly, with every birth.

I've struggled with confidence my whole life. It was never something I could fully grasp with my hands alone, it was something that was cultivated by my mother. You see, I've always been a little "different" besides the obvious color of my skin. Which still challenges me day by day, to stand behind it with my head held high, and to stop making qualifications for who I am.

I dream big, I dive straight into the deep without fear or second thought, I speak my mind. The reality is that living this way always set me apart while growing up, kids look at you differently when you don't follow the pack. Paving your own road takes a certain strength and determination, a confidence within yourself that builds you up when others set out to tear you down. Despite my sometimes crippling fear and constant questioning, "you think this is ok?" I've done many things in my life and pursued passions with every ounce of my being. Whatever arena I've walked into physical or mental, I went, because something in my soul said to, despite people's harsh words and strange looks that told me otherwise. I would do it anyways because I had a steadfast foundation. My faith and my Mother, she filled the holes left by society...but those looks, those words, they would eat away at my confidence, like a termite to a tree.

I lived this way my whole life, hiding the fact that, confidence, was not something that organically dwelled within me. Then I found out I was pregnant with you, I watched as  my belly grew heavy with life. There were moments of fear and longings for my old body, the one I had just finally started to accept and love. If I only knew the strength my body was about to show me I carried all along.

Giving birth to you has humbled me, and instilled a confidence within me I didn't know could exist. The struggle to accept and love this new body has been a graceful experience.  Yes, there have been tears, and moments of mourning spent staring in the mirror. Then one day I took pause, I looked at my body, this time with kind eyes and a forgiving heart, I smiled, smiled because I  realized that I am blessed to be "marked a mother." I earned every bit of it. My breasts may not be as far north as the used to be and my stomach may be soft, but the confidence that came along with it all, to love my body anyways, despite what society deems beautiful is unmatched. I created life! I created you! Every lock of hair, every pudgy roll, every toe. You, my love, are my greatest accomplishment. Everything pales compared to you, and no one, no harsh word spoken against this new frame can take away the majesty of what I've done, what any mother has done.

I am overwhelmed with the gifts you’ve given me by entering this world. The confidence I now have in myself is priceless. My wish, my dream, my mission in life is to give this to you. A knowing, a confidence instilled within yourself, that moves aside all self doubt, and fear.

The confidence to get up and do "it" anyways, no matter what standards society places upon you.

By being confident in myself, I hope to show you how to be confident enough to trust in your own instincts. To Believe in your own ideas, and to let them take you to new heights. To know that when one door closes another will open.

To love your fellow man despite all their downfalls, to learn to humble yourself. To always put one foot in front of the other, even as fear nips at your heels. To stand up for what's right. To be a voice for those who have none.

And if you need me...

If you need me to fill in the gaps left by someones words that left you feeling empty.

If you need me to hold you up when your legs can’t take you any farther.

If you need me to wrap my arms around you when your heart is broken.

If you need me to stand up for you when you’re afraid to stand for yourself.

If you need me to trust you so you can trust in yourself.

I will.

Know, that I always will. So that you’ll know that confidence comes from within.

 

I'll be confident in mothering you.

So you’ll know.

 

Love always and forever,

Mama

 

 

 

 

 

 

I'm wearing Elly in the simple linen in plum. Follow along with the sling diaries here.

         As the morning kisses the horizon, warming your dewy skin and brushing your eyes with light, I wonder what you're dreaming as smiles flicker across your face. So new and not yet tainted from this world, every piece of you astounds me. Your curled toes and tiny hands constantly reaching for things. I hope you never lose that sense of childish wonder, and keep reaching for the trappings just outside your reach.

    I walk through this life slowly, with eyes wide open, taking in all that it has to offer. I'm a dreamer by nature, it’s who I am at my core. At night, when the streets are quiet, and breathing is heavy, my mind comes alive as I dream of impossible things, bringing them to life in the light of day, forever expanding, changing, and creating. Without them, I wouldn't have gone where my feet have lead me, lived where my heart desired, and loved with a fire so miraculous, it created you.                   I couldn't have dreamt you, you are beyond my wildest imaginings, and they run deep. Pregnant, I curiously guessed who you were, who you might become, wondered what you would look like, sound like. I constantly asked your father who he thought you would be like, who he thought you would become. You were so foreign to me, I couldn't wrap my head around what an extraordinary thing I was doing, carrying you. My dreams, filled with the things I knew, but never you. You were a whisper, a heartbeat, a mystery clothed in warmth and silence.             In dreams, as in love, all is possible. No dream is too colossal, too immense, or too tremendous to chase. There is power and boldness in chasing your dreams, so run, run without fear of falling, because I will always catch you. There is no limit, what you dream, you can do.          Keep your head in the clouds, thats where you'll find them, your dreams waiting to be realized. There’s safety in them, a freedom seldom reached by the masses, for fear grips their dreams and stifles them before they begin. Let them burn in you, forge them deep in your heart, let no one smother them, not even yourself.            The greatest enemy of dreams is us. We have this clever way of getting in the way of ourselves. Fear and doubt creeps into our minds like weeds in a field, determined to make it their home.     Prune your dreams, fine tune them, and watch how they grow taller than you had even imagined.            I hope the life your Father and I lead serves as a constant example to you, I hope it gives you the strength to create your own dreams. I promise we'll always help you reach for them, no matter how high, no matter the obstacles you might face, just as my mother did for me.  She gave me strength when I had none, by believing in me when I didn't even believe in myself. We will always believe in you and your dreams my dear.              You've touched my heart in ways I'll never know. With you birthed a mother I never thought I would be, a love I didn't know existed, so tangible it breathes and twists into my very being. Sinking into me like a stone cast at sea. You are the dream I never could have fathomed. A piece of myself living a part from me.      My dream for you is that you exceed me. That you dream higher than I ever thought possible, reach for things that I can't even imagine. That you do everything you were placed on this earth to do.  There's magic in the air, grab it and make it yours.    Read fairy tales, they will give you unfailing hope when life seems to have none.        Dream of impossible things, make them come true. Believe in yourself, believe in your dreams, as I believe in you.    Dream of extraordinary things my love, dream.      Love. Always, Mama

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I am wearing Elly in the Sakura Bloom Simple Linen in Wheat

 

        

        You, my dear, are the accumulation of generations loving without seeing, loving without judging, loving in the face of every wall, brick, and cruel word thrown their way. You are your fathers daughter, first born, my sunlight, my morning, noon and stars. Waking has never been so beautiful, you are wise beyond my comprehension, always smiling, knowing. Singing with laughter for the new day, greeting me with open palms, gently touching my face. I close my eyes, melting into your soul as your warm hands trace your lineage and my age. I am your mother, the one who gave you life, the one who bore you beneath my heart, tucked away for safe keeping. You know me, and I know you like only a mother could, without words. You grin and find my breast and once again we are one, connected, my life flowing through you, giving you life and morning. We’re quiet as the sun pours in though the windows, softly coating your skin with it’s warm glow, silently speaking. I am thankful to those who came before me, for those who perpetuated life through the ages. A vast culture of mothers who birthed new life that spanned the globe. German, Dutch, American Indian, East Indian, Caribbean, African, Aztec Indian, Spanish. All mothers, connected as family down through the generations. 

        You look into the mirror, not knowing the weight of the faces past, staring back at you in your reflection. All these cultures, people who make up your beautiful face. They run through your veins, smile through your laughter, gleam with pride in all that is you. I hope you know that you are beautiful, not because you’re mine, but because you are, as everyone before you was, as everyone after you will be. Lessons live on in our Cultures. Always see the beauty, in everyone and in everything. Live spherically, and in many directions. Love without prejudice. Befriend without judgment. Welcome a stranger into your home. Let food fill you, heal you, and be your medicine. Treat others as you would treat yourself. Respect your elders. Live knowing that every breath, is a fragile gift.  

 

        

        We move through the light of day much like I did when I was pregnant with you, snuggly  tucked into me. Leaving the warmth of the car, my feet hit the ground, hard and cold.  The air stings and bites, unfamiliar, as you bury your face into my chest I whisper “it’s just the cold, even it has its place.” The cold gives birth to new life, all that is dead and gone will be reborn in the warmth of spring. You’ll change with the seasons, growing long and tall, turning into the great woman you are destined to become.

  

Walking through the field I think about all the things I’ve learned in my short twenty eight years. I’ll teach you all that I know in hopes that you’ll hold onto my words. We’re deeply connected to this earth and everyone around us, just as I am to you. So be kind to it, and it’ll be kind to you. Kindness spreads like wildflowers, so give it freely and without expectation. 

 

        I can’t wait to watch you be young, run, climb endless trees, you’re free! Free you to do whatever you please, so yell, cry, sing at the top of your lungs, upset convention, stand up for what you believe in. I’ll be there with you along the way, rooting you on, backing you up, kissing your bruises, encouraging you to get back up and try, try again. All the while glowing, you are my daughter, because I’ve loved without judging and because your father loves me, just as he loves you. We can’t wait to give you all the best pieces of us. Our little Eleanor, a big name for such a little girl, but we know who you are. You’re a brilliant little mix of everyone around you. We can’t wait to watch you make your way through this life. 

 

 

 

        But for now stay close little one, so I can hear you breathe. Inhaling as you exhale, taking in your sweetness. Time is fleeting, so I’ll keep these memories with me. 

 

Love. Always,

Mama

I am wearing Elly in the Sakura Bloom Simple Silk in Mindnight 

 

Pretty much defines the last month of my life. We've moved back into our lovely home, hooray!! There's nothing like sleeping in your own bed, it makes everything right as rain.

With that said, this last month has been one of the best months as well, filled with growth and an abundance of blessings. I'm excited to say after weeks of anticipation, I will be apart of Sakura Blooms vol. IV Sling Diaries. For the next six months 17 Mamas & Papas, including myself, will be writing about our baby wearing lives. As someone who's followed The Sling Diaries for years, I can't tell you how beyond happy, and blessed I feel to be included in such an awesome community. The love felt here is overwhelming! I'm looking forward to sharing my Sling Diaries with you all, as well as following the other wonderful Diairsts.

 

Light & Love,

Krystal

 

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