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So I smiled, flipped my hair, and took a picture. So when I'm lost in the forest of motherhood, hidden under the laundry, the dishes, and the everyday routine, I can look at this picture and remember...I'm still me, the same crazy girl taking a selfie in the mirror.

Night Fell

Night Fell

"I often think that the night is more alive and more richly colored than the day." ~Vincent Van Gogh
{39+5 weeks}

{39+5 weeks}

"Time is an old firmly rooted tree; we are the breeze rustling its leaves." ~Terri Guillemets
My Mother She Taught Me

My Mother She Taught Me

"If a Mother's success is to be measured by whether she teaches her child that he or she can do whatever they put their minds to, she is a triumphant Mother." My Mother

32+5 weeks- Stength, Where The Light Shines The Brightest

32+5 weeks- Stength, Where The Light Shines The Brightest

To recognize the good that surrounds me, and that the life I carry, no matter how hard it is at times, is a precious gift from God.

31+5 weeks- I Know You

31+5 weeks- I Know You

In the end, I will follow you, I will take my time, breath, and ease you into this world. A birth of the soul heart and mind. In the end, we'll gaze at one another, I'll know you, and you will know me...I'm your mama, and you are mine forever.


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{To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you. ~Lewis B. Smedes}

Forgiveness is not only something we should show others, we must also learn how to forgive ourselves. Just as He has forgiven us, time and time again. Motherhood, parenthood for that matter, with all it's blessings will test the very fibers of your being. It can unravel you like thread on a spool, and bring you to your breaking point.

We all have moments where we fail, or rather flail at parenting, moments where we'd like to lock ourselves in a closet and just cry by ourselves for a moment. Some days I lay in bed thinking, "man, I rocked this parenting thing today!" While others I lay defeated, desperately attempting to get a rambunctious toddler to sleep, watching as the minutes and hours tic away, dreading the rising sun.

Dawn, it brings with it new beginnings, a fresh start, a new day, a chance to rock the heck out of this parenting gig. Forgive yourself for yesterday, because well, today is a blessing, it's brand new day

A collection of tiny things

Screen shot 2014-09-22 at 2.29.04 PM Remembering the gentle newness of a newborn, the way their toes curl wildly, the way they tuck their legs so closely to themselves, the way they smell of sweet sweet milk, and the delicious tiny sounds they make. Was it so long ago that I first held my daughter in my arms? Reveling in all that was her, all that was me, and all that was my husband. Was it so long ago that I was afraid to change her clothes for fear of making her the slightest bit uncomfortable? Was it so long ago that I held the world, and thought that it couldn't get any better than this? Fond memories surrounding me like mist, preparing me once again for new life.

Life, flying past me at a blistering pace, hardly giving me a moments pause to daydream of what's to come, or to prepare fully for life again with a newborn. This is not my first, there is no massive buying spree, no classes to take, no furniture to paint, only the unwrapping of bassinets, and baby swings. So when these precious little things arrived today and that same giddy, nervous, excited feeling came flooding back I took pause. With them came thoughts of who this little person growing inside me will be, thoughts of love and labor, tears and joy. Images of placing these tiny booties on even tinier feet for the first time, caused my heart to swell and my eyes to fill with tears. Just for a moment, in the craziness of life while raising a toddler I had my moment, the one that ties you ever so closely to the one you've yet to meet.

27+4 Weeks

The beginning of the 3rd trimester, the last stretch (literally). I find myself looking for balance, as much as I'd like to lay down, there's a little toddler running around who needs me. This is the first time when I've had to say no to picking her up at times, and distract her with something else, or ask my husband to take her up the stairs. Guilt piles up and I find myself doing to much physically, leaving my belly tight and tired at the end of the day. Looking back on moments where my patience ran thin, and got the best of me. In my search for balance I've found myself growing as mother, while some days run smoothly, some days I still feel defeated.

The definition of being a "good" mom I've realized does not mean you take on anything and everything until you're rung dry at the end of the day, though sometimes that feeling is bound to happen. I've learned in order to be a good mom I have to grow and change the way I parent along with my expanding belly. I'm not only raising a child I am growing one too, and this little babe needs me to be gentle with myself.

It's funny, just when you think you nailed it, that you've got this parenting thing down, life reminds you that it truly is like a flowing river. It will not always run smooth, there will be rocks and rapids. In order not to drown, we must learn when and how to paddle, and when to lean back and look at the clouds.


photo 2

photo 2

To the outside world we all grow old. But not to brothers and sisters. We know each other as we always were. We know each other’s hearts. We share private family jokes. We remember family feuds and secrets, family griefs and joys. We live outside the touch of time. ~Clara Ortega

Since you came earth side it has been you, your papa, and I. Watching you grow these last 15 months has been an absolute joy. We've marveled at the little walking, talking, incredible toddler you've become. From the beginning we knew we wanted a large family, to watch our children laugh, play, and simply grow up together. Though I can't even imagine where the love will come from, since you've seeped into every crevice of my heart.

I know not every moment will be filled with smiles, there will be a fair share of tears and lessons in sharing, but the excitement of giving you a sibling outweighs my fear of the unknown. Imagining you giving your sweet baby brother or sister kisses, sharing secrets, and giggling into the night, makes my heart sing.

Until then, I'll cherish these last few months with you, my only, the one who made me a mother.

Love More

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The Love that we show others, is just as important as the love we show ourselves. If we are not gentle, kind, understanding, and patient with ourselves, eventually we will crumble under the weight of it all. In order to love fully and wholeheartedly, in order to be the light in someones darker days, you must first show love toward yourself. _DSC0245-Edit   It comes and goes in waves, the seasons of life, leaving memories in it’s wake, beautiful moments, and occasionally...some we’d rather not recall. _DSC0214-Edit   There was a time in my life where I was lost, buried beneath the earth, trudged deep in the forest of life. A time where I gave all my love away, hoping that one day maybe, just maybe, I would get a little back. I lost myself, I lost the vigor that I had for life, I had forgotten what love truly was. I gave myself, my time, my everything until I had nothing left. I’m a giver by nature, and it took me a very long time to realize that some peoples nature, is to take. I was left broken, without an ounce of love to show for my giving, I had failed myself. In those two short years I had forgotten what it was to truly live, you see without love you can’t feel the breeze, or the warmth of the sun on your skin, there is only pain. _DSC0484-Edit   With heavy feet and an even heavier heart, I began the slow walk towards the light, towards love. So it began, a building of myself, I had to learn how to be gentle with myself, to show myself grace, and patience. To forgive myself for the mistakes I’d made. I had to re-learn to love the skin I was in, the quirks of my personality, to trust myself, to trust my instincts, to trust in God, and to love myself just as I was. It was only then the cracks began to fade. Years went by, and the same love I showed myself, I once again was able to share with others, I had the strength to light my own path, and to be a healthy light for those that needed me. _DSC0356-Edit   In learning to love again, to truly love, to have respect for myself as well as others, I found it. That all consuming, down to the bone, every fiber of your being, love. That love that comes every blue moon, kissing your imperfections and taking you to a place you had only dreamed real. My heart had found it’s home in a man I had called my friend for eleven years of my short life. I stood in loves path whole, and the love we now share has changed my life forever. _DSC0324-Edit   True love travels full circle and back again, it fills you, heals you, changes you in the best ways possible. Through it, we created her, our daughter, love incarnate. photo 3 My wish, my hope in life, is to teach my children what love truly is. I want them to feel it, for themselves, for their faith, for the earth, and for others. I want them to know that they are truly loved.  

|This post was written for The Love More Shop series on loving more, do yourself a favor and check out what this amazing brand is doing to bring more love into this world HERE|


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photo 3 {Within all of us is a varying amount of space lint and star dust, the residue from our creation. Most are too busy to notice it, and it is stronger in some than others. It is strongest in those of us who fly and is responsible for an unconscious, subtle desire to slip into some wings and try for the elusive boundaries of our origin. ~K.O. Eckland, "Footprints On Clouds"}

Wild and free, days spent under the hot summer sun, with pillowcases for capes tied around our necks, and earth under our nails. Jumping from here to there, no voice in your head whispering that you've climbed to high. The ground seemingly lacking that pull that gravity has, our feet were free, and so were we.

Childhood, sticky and sweet, the days are long and the nights fleeting, every moment holds a lifetime.That time when even the stars were in reach.

Cultivating a meaningful child hood, one you can look back on with fondness, is the wish every parent has for their child. To witness the pureness that comes with every squeal of laughter as a mother tosses her child in the air.

That's what I live for.

26 weeks

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photo 2 My feet have officially disappeared, the waddle is in full force, rolling over in bed has turned into a contact sport, things that drop on the floor will probably stay there, my butt is as big as my belly (awkward), and I'm at that point where you think, "how can I get any bigger?" and then you do. On the plus side, the belly makes a fantastic table for my bowl of ice cream. Mmm ice cream...

carpe diem

photo 1

photo 1{In giving birth to our babies, we may find that we give birth to new possibilities within ourselves. ~Myla and Jon Kabat-Zinn} I used to be shy, though if you ask other people they would probably say different. Mine was an inner shyness, there were things I wanted to do, spontaneous things, little things, but I would get in the way of my self. I'd end up harboring that feeling of disappointment, it would eat away at me like a nagging mosquito, why didn't I do "it," what was stopping me?

I believe giving birth gives you a second chance to do those things you've always wanted to do, no matter how small. The "what if's" in your life can be erased. How can I tell my children to soar, to run full out towards their dreams and ambitions if I can't even reach for the small things.

How can I teach my children that it's ok to be silly, and wildly spontaneous at times, if I don't first show them that it's ok? Like most people I avoid embarrassment at all costs. So today, while driving down a sleepy road with my family, staring at the golden light dancing across a field wishing I could run through it, if only for a moment. Just so I could feel the earth under my feet and soak up the last warmth of the setting sun. Hot with embarrassment, too nervous to ask my mom to pull over, I did.

Life is not a movie, perfectly scripted, decorated, and manicured to perfection...but life is also not a dress rehearsal. So seize the day and run through your field, wherever that may be.

I'll be here when you wake.

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Processed with VSCOcam with x1 preset {It's not only children who grow. Parents do too. As much as we watch to see what our children do with their lives, they are watching us to see what we do with ours. I can't tell my children to reach for the sun. All I can do is reach for it, myself. ~Joyce Maynard}

Oh the places you'll go, the people you'll meet, the adventures you'll take, the love you'll share, the lives you'll touch. Your future, poised at your finger tips, brimming with possibilities.

Know this, from the moment I met you, so quiet and lovely, I knew I had gleamed a bit of heaven, that my life would forever truly be full. You are the adventure I didn't know existed, the trip of a lifetime, an experience like no other. You are the product of young love that traveled for eleven years in order to make it back to each other. My whole world, our love, wrapped up in the creases of your hands, in the dimple on your cheek, and in sparkles in your eyes. You have touched my life like only a child could, innocent and pure, you breathed life into these once stale lungs.

This is why, my dear, mothers stare at their children, this is why when you sleep, I sometimes can't bear to let you go.

A child to remind me.


photo{A sister is a gift to the heart, a friend to the spirit, a golden thread to the meaning of life. ~Isadora James} These last few days have been hard. I'm not the one to slow down, but oh how pregnancy reminded me that sometimes in order to grow this new baby, I need to sit my busy self down. So here I sit, with a cold that won't quit, my hairs a mess, my clothes...we won't go there, with a list of a million things I need to do before this bundle arrives swimming through my head. I've done nothing to prepare, by this time last pregnancy I had painted furniture, moved, put an entire nursery together, I probably had my hospital bag packed like a crazy lady, but then again that's how most first pregnancies go. Second pregnancies...not so much, can I get an extra month please?

As I sat, deep in my self loathing and feeling pretty sorry for myself, wondering how I'm going to do it all. This child, this wonderful little child of mine comes over, lifts up my shirt and exclaimed "Da Beeebee, muuh bebe!" In between rapid fire kisses (hence her blurry face). Reminding me yet again (because I apparently didn't remember the first time) that everything will fall into place, that everyone's fed and happy and right now that is enough.


why choose love?


image {Why choose love? Why choose patience? Why choose compassion? When life throws you so many opportunities to choose hate, anger, and jealousy.}

Today choose compassion, because even though someone may not show it to you, you just might be the compassionate light that someone desperately needed that day. The reminder that we are all in this together. That it's ok, that every day is not perfect. Who's to say you can't make the best out of the hand thats been dealt. Choose compassion because it's contagious, like laughter.

Today choose patience, not because it's easy, but because there are two little pairs of eyes looking up at you, searching for guidance.

Today choose love, because love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, rude or self seeking, it is not easily angered, and keeps no records of wrongs. Love never fails! It reminds each and every one of us that we are precious, it's like magic, it reaches into your soul and changes you in the most profound ways.

24+6 Weeks

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{24+6 Weeks}The gradual expansion of life, a widening of body, heart, and soul. Every space filled, buzzing with expectant life.

Entering the stage of pregnancy where sweet kicks have begun to take their toll on my already aching body. Sleep has become a game of Tetris, (where can I shove this pillow in order to make myself comfortable). Space is quickly fading, heartburn is seeping in, and Braxton hicks has reared it's ugly head.

In order to give life, we must expand... expand our lives, our patients, our hearts, and our time, not just our bodies. Though it's fitting our bodies must first expand, making way for the overwhelming amount of love and light that will simultaneously fill those once aching spaces when life arrives. A beautifully slow lesson in live and let be.

Confidence while pregnant

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Photo Aug 06, 9 29 45 PM 23+3 weeks {Let us make pregnancy an occasion when we appreciate our female bodies. ~Merete Leonhardt-Lupa}

I struggled with loving my body during my last pregnancy. I clearly remember staring at my expanding body in the mirror with tears in my eyes. The sad truth was most of my poor body image issues were projected onto me by other mamas who told me that I would never be the same again, and to say goodbye to the body I knew. Their horror stories and traumatic births left me terrified and depressed. I never embraced my new growing self fully. It wasn't until I gave birth to my daughter that I finally appreciated the truly miraculous feat my body had preformed. Staring down at the child I had a hand in creating and now nourished with my own body, was nothing short of a miracle, with her arrival came a confidence I had never known. I was determined to go through this pregnancy differently, to love myself no matter what, to embrace this special time in my life, because I want my daughter to always love herself, through every phase of life.

23 Weeks

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Photo Aug 05, 9 20 55 PM {23+1 weeks • & A Babymoon} Escaping to an Island is nothing new for me, though it's usually to Tortola where my father grew up, and where family surrounds me. Instead we decided to go somewhere new, since bringing another child into this world will be entirely something new. The beauty here is breathtaking, and watching my little family enjoy it makes it all the more sweet.I've found a strength within myself here that I never found while pregnant with Elly.

They say with age comes wisdom, and though I find that to be true, I've found wisdom in carrying a child, a comfort in my own growing skin, and a new found respect for what my body can do. On an Island, with mountains at your back and water on all sides, your choices are limited, as with giving birth. Not pushing is not an option, pain is inevitable, the unknown just beyond the horizon.

Being here has let me face real fears I have about giving birth this time around, maybe it's because I know the waves (who am I kidding) wall of sheer pain I must face again, maybe it's because I've done it before, maybe it's because I had a successful and beautiful birth... Or maybe it's because both of my grandmothers died birthing their children. Placing these fears in Gods loving hands is all I can do, trusting the process and my body is all I can do.


22 Weeks

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Processed with VSCOcam with b1 preset {22+3 Weeks • Rooted} I've grown roots, not physical roots of course, but a rootedness to the earth, to myself, and to my unborn child. It happened unknowingly during my last pregnancy I'm sure, but I was too busy preparing in every way imaginable that I clearly must have missed it. Early pregnancy for me is like a freshly potted plant, roots frayed and wild, reaching out for soil that is unsteady and loose, instead I reach for the closeness of others, mostly my husband. He could not come home from work soon enough, I followed him around like a lost puppy needing attention. Any room he was in I had to be, I'm sure it drove him nuts though I'll never know it, because he was there with arms wide open.

Then just like that, my roots finally take hold, grounding me, and I crave space and solitude. Every step I take leaves behind a tangible warmth, proof of my existence. I find comfort in the quiet of being alone, most evenings spent sitting on the porch as the last rays of light flee, peacefully greeting the night, while I thankfully reminisce about the day, and contemplate the future. All the while joyfully aware of the tiny being resting just beneath my skin. For me, a person who has searched all their life for this indescribable feeling, on top of mountains, down rivers, off the beaten path, and to finally find 'it' within myself, is the greatest blessing I could have ever hoped for.

21+2 Weeks


photo {Pregnant women! They had that weird frisson, an aura of magic that combined awkwardly with an earthy sense of duty. Mundane, because they were nothing unique on the suburban streets; ethereal because their attention was ever somewhere else, and they had that preciousness which they imposed wherever they went, compelling attention, constantly reminding you that they carried the future inside, its contours already drawn, but veiled, private, an inner secret. ~Ruth Morgan} 21+4 weeks • That strange feeling of distance, from anything and everything around me that pregnancy sometimes brings. Moments feel like a lifetime, tears flow freely, and emotions are worn on your sleeve. A precious time when you are totally woman...mother.

21 Weeks

photo {21 weeks, To be pregnant is to be vitally alive, thoroughly woman, and distressingly inhabited. Soul and spirit are stretched - along with body - making pregnancy a time of transition, growth, and profound beginnings. ~Anne Christian Buchanan} Starting to come into the fullness of pregnancy. My feet are slowly disappearing, sandals are getting harder to buckle, and so are pants. What once were slight flutters and taps have become stronger kicks and rolls. I cannot believe the speed at which the weeks are flying by, bringing me closer and closer to meeting my sweet babe. Bonus* I've started quite the love affair with chocolate covered honeycomb, maybe that's why I can no longer button my pants...

The sweetest kisses

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Processed with VSCOcam with f3 preset I just can't get enough kisses from this sweet girl! When she was smaller we would try to give her a kiss and she would turn and laugh (broke my little mama heart). Lately at night, right before she falls asleep E has started to give me tons and tons of kisses, some with her eyes half closed, it's one of my favorite moments of the day.

20+4 Weeks


"Put your ear down close to your soul and listen hard." ~Anne Sexton


The quiet love between you and I, what a feeling, to carry two hearts inside of you. No one knows you like I do, they don't hear the soft exchange of our beating hearts. Or feel the soft kicks and turns you make when I sing aloud, or when your Papa whispers to you. I never feel as connected to myself, to life, as when I'm carrying it. Carrying you makes my soul complete, it sings, illuminated, full of your spirit. I've never loved you more than I do now, until the moment your skin touches mine, bare on my chest, until then...

Love, Mama

The Letters  

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20 Weeks



{~20 Weeks~ Words that are hard to find. The let down of raw emotion and fear making it's exit takes it's toll. I wasn't going to write this, I was going to let this fade away into memories unknown, because that's easier...but I won't, because someone might need these words.}

This week was one of the hardest tests of faith I've ever had. While staring at the babies heart for what seemed an unusual amount of time, my own heart sank, and fear crept in. When you imagine your child coming into this world it's always perfect, all you wish for is a healthy baby, but there it was, right in front of me, on a screen in plain black and white. I wanted to run, but I stayed steady, I wanted to cry, but I refused, I wanted to yell and ask why, but I just smiled at the sweet ultrasound tech as she left to grab the doctor. God doesn't give you more than you can handle...he doesn't right? I asked myself sitting there, just my sweet baby and I.

She returned with the doctor, my mother and my daughter in tow. If you know me, when faced with hardship I smile, while silently building a wall, not to close myself off, but to hold myself up, you see I'm too afraid to reach for outspread arms for fear of breaking down. Talk of Down's syndrome and heart problems, swirled the room, backgrounds and too much blood were taken. In silence, fear crept in, not for me, but for my child, because people can be cruel when they don't understand you. How would I do this? Where would the strength come from? How will I tell my husband who has already watched his own sister pass away from a neurological disorder.

I scoured the internet in secret, reading story after story of negative and positive outcomes, finding comfort in their words. Days passed, we filled them with joy and life carried on, as silent prayers were made, all while waiting for a phone call that finally came. I almost didn't hear her when she said that all the results came back negative, I had already settled in my mind that I would do whatever was needed in order to provide this child with the happiest life possible, no matter the result. I knew this child would be perfect, that I would learn from he or she, that I would be the best mother I could possibly be to both my children because that's what they need. Tears flowed and fear exited, and just like that everything was back to the way that it was.




The KICKSTARTER for The 'Letters' A Portrait of Motherhood is live for the next 30 days. I'm putting everything on the line and if I don't reach the goal within the time allotted, I won't receive a dime. It's really all or nothing and I believe that some things are worth the risk, that this project, this wonderful book written by YOU will be a success. So spread the word! Re-post until your hearts content, blog about it, and don't forget to use the hashtag #ISUPPORTTHELETTERS, you have a voice so let it be heard! Together we can make this book a reality, together we can support one another and break down the walls that divide us.


Much Love and Appreciation,


The Best Gift of Life


Interview I had the honor of being Interviewed by @thebestgiftoflife along side so many inspiring Mamas. Check out their beautiful site over at




By Krystal Donovan on 2014-07-15

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"The hardest thing to accept as a parent is that you cannot apply the bandage before the bruise. ~Robert Brault"

The day is done, and this mama is spent. Elly fell today and busted her lip open, oh why didn't I install carpet? Who decided tile was a marvelous idea with a child learning how to walk? With a mouthful of blood and tears (mostly from me) later, I've realized that raising a toddler is hazardous. With walking and running comes bumps and bruises. I know this will be the first of many along the way, but oh, if I could take each and every one of them for her I would...But then what would be the lesson? How would she grow if I kept her in a bubble, safe where no harm could come to her? What kind of person would she become if I never had the chance to teach her how to get up, brush herself off, hold her head up, and try try again? Looking to the future I've realized that the hardest lesson for a parent to learn is Children need support and freedom. The realization that this is what children will always need can hit hard.

19 Weeks

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Processed with VSCOcam with a5 preset "Life is always a rich and steady time when you are waiting for something to happen or to hatch. ~E.B. White"

Ten toes out, and ten toes in. One asleep, and one awake. Daydreaming of the day when the two shall meet. These are the moments I wish to keep.

the quiet light



As I sat beneath the window letting the last bit of sunlight showered me with warmth, I watched you play , content with your toy and the silence. I sat there wondering how you would adjust to having a sibling, would you still be content and happy? Would you love each other? Would I be enough for the both of you? Or would you miss the time shared between just you and I.

As the light began to fade from our bedroom window my thoughts drifted away, while flutters from a love I had yet to meet gently moved beneath my hand. It was then that you crawled over to me and laid your head on my belly, resting your hand there too. It was as if you knew, in the smallness that is you, you knew. For almost ten whole minutes you sat there with me, listening, feeling, and loving whole heartedly your new sibling and I.

A peace washed over me, and I remembered that God has a perfect plan.

My fears and worries soothed, by a little girl I am so blessed to call my own.

An Honest Mama Moment

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Happiness is a choice, a choice made daily. A choice that is sometimes a hard one to make, when you're running on empty, your patience are thin, and the inside of your eyelids are foreign to you. When colds have taken over the house, and husbands are working late. When the days seem to blend one into the next, and it could be Saturday for all you know. When you can't help but wonder how other mamas do it, when they have twice as many kids as you, and twice as many trying moments.

Choosing happiness can be hard. Choosing to get out of the house and make that day, today, a better day, is a choice. To smile, to laugh, to see the beauty at the end of a storm, to be the light you're wishing would shine, choose happiness, because this is just a season, and it might be the sweetest one yet.

17 weeks


17weeks •17 Weeks• {I think that carrying a baby inside you is like running as fast as you can. It feels like finally letting go and filling yourself up to the wildest limits. ~Author Unknown}

You're there, you are really there. Though I knew you were all along, your tiny heart beat and little bean of a body still engrained in my mind from weeks past. At times I would have to remind myself that I was indeed carrying life, another magical piece of your father and I to go wandering this world. I had to remind myself because in those early weeks you were like a breeze, comforting and soothing, though sometimes rarely noticed. You made it easy for me, and for that, I thank God.

Now I undoubtably know you're there, your gentle kicks and flips are so soothing and familiar, reminding me once again what a privilege it is to be a vessel for creation. I love you little one, and I don't even know your name.

Love, Mama

Then we were four


_DSC0476-Edit Here is the reason why I've been a bad blogger. The first trimester tiredness is no joke!

I cannot tell you how absolutely thrilled I am to become a mother for the second time come early December. It's no secret that Motherhood is my absolute favorite thing....ever! Though I honestly never thought I would be here, married with a toddler that keeps me on my toes at all times and one sweet little bundle on the way. I though I would forever be a nomad going wherever my feet lead me. I never thought that I would be led through life by tiny little hands that I had a part in creating. Its the sweetest joy, and the biggest blessing.

Watching Elly's sweet babyness fade away as she starts walking and the rolls begin quietly disappearing, makes me a little teary eyed. As I watch my little girl, my first born, grow into the little person she's destine to become, I cant help but rejoice in the fact that she chose me to be her mother. Though she'll always be my  baby, I'm starting to miss those early morning infant stretches, first noises, and midnight feedings. She started weening herself a few months back, though she still nurses  on occasion, it has become far and few between, which makes my heart ache a little.

With Elly, pregnancy seemed to drag on an on and on... but this second time around, my goodness, where has the time gone? I blinked and I was 16 weeks pregnant. I need more time, time to prepare, time to digest the fact that all too soon we'll be a family of four, and I may never figure out how to get out of the house in under an hour, or ever. Time to figure out how I can possibly love a second as much as I love the first, or how I will ever take a nap again. Or how on earth you manage to go to the grocery store with two kids, what if they both want to get in the cart?? I know in time the knowledge will come, the  naps will return, and I will in fact figure out how to do all this. Right mamas?

For now, I'm going to enjoy every God given second of this pregnancy, this time where we are one in the same. This time where every flutter and every hiccup stops me in my tracks and makes me smile. This time where I lay awake at night wondering what you'll look like, or who you'll take after. Dreaming of you and your sister playing together, loving each other, something I never experienced as an only child. I cannot wait, our little Christmas baby, you are the sweetest gift.




It's all peanut butter


_DSC0281-Edit As an only child, my search for community started young. I can remember being alone as a child, wanting, craving, community. Someone to call on when friends let you down, someone to whisper my secrets to late at night.

For this reason I hold relationships with my friends extremely dear to my heart. Equally, the loss of friendships devastate me deeply, when they fade away until you no longer speak. When your paths drift so far apart that your lives are no longer shared, it saddens me.

Women, we are a difficult breed. We share such ties from just being, women, yet we are the most vicious to one another. Our words strike like vipers, our eyes can cut like knives. We are like two batteries laid next to each other at opposite ends, attracted and pulled.

Then we become mothers, and we are drawn to each other once again. Drawn to this community, that I know exists, that I know deep down to the core of me is needed in order to mother.

When I became a mother, I did so without sisters, or close friends who were mothers themselves. I did it alone, the only advice, strong arms and listening ears were those of my mother. I journeyed alone, in secret, wondering if this was normal, if the lack of sleep would end, if my body would be my own again. My mind raced with thoughts and questions that only other mothers could give the answers to.

Though I live in a city where there is no shortage of mothers, building friendships with them is another story.

Why is it when we go to the park, instead of talking to one another we get on our phones and ignore the presence of one another. Why is it that all I feel is the judgment of heavy eyes burning into me, critiquing what I'm wearing, what my child is wearing, what wrap I'm using, what stroller I'm pushing. Why when such amazing joy surrounds us, that of our children, do we fail to rejoice in it? Why when we see a mother whose face is full of old tears and no sleep do we ignore her, and not tell her that this too shall pass, that we've been there. That there is a light at the end, that we to are journeying along with her.

Silence, the deafening silence that wraps itself around too many mothers, crippling their day-to day. She masks it with a painted on smile, filling the spaces with talk of milestones and triumphs, careful not to mention that her head is barley above water. Postpartum depression, fear, doubts, the simple lack of support, that pushes her to the edge.

Some of us suffer in silence because we are to afraid to talk about the hard stuff, the dirty stuff, the stuff that motherhood is made of! We're afraid to just let it out because we can be vipers.

Let it end here.

Let us be the light for someone who is in the dark.

Let us talk about the hard stuff, and the messy stuff.

Let us support one another.

Let us cheer for the ones that are on top.

Let the ones on top be humble and reach out to the ones who are not.

Let the judgment end here.

Let the harsh words that come so easily become words of encouragement and love.

Let us journey together, side by side, shoulder to shoulder.

Whether you breastfeed, bottle feed, co-sleep, crib sleep, had a natural birth, love your epidural, push a stroller, wear your babies, whether you're a crunchy mama, or a smooth mama, who cares! It's all peanut butter at the end of the day.

We're all doing the best we can, all of us!

We need each other! We areall searching for community, and I know its there, just beneath the surface, the glitter, and perfectly cropped pictures.


Tiffany a mother I find so deeply inspirational said it well, "we women hold up half the sky!" so lets hold up each other shall we?








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